Last Thursday me and Sam saw Lily Allen in concert up in Denver!! It was so awesome. She's way hotter in person and a better singer in person too. It was so fun, even though there was a keys-got-locked-in-car incident, and a car-overheating incident. Next month we're going to see Ladytron and The Faint, and then Fischerspooner. And I really want to see Neko Case also, but I don't think Sam would want to go to that one.

On Friday, I didn't do much of anything, except work of course, and while I was there Paul fixed my car so it wouldn't over heat any more.. and I think someone might have come over but I can't really remember. Anyway, Saturday I took my car into the shop for an oil change, and of course they found something else that was fucked up and could charge me an arm and a leg for because I'm a chick... and then Sam forced me to go to Greek lunch with her, and then we went and got piercings. I got my tongue and she got her lip. I wanted to get my nipples done, but when I told Jeremy he freaked out and said how disgusting it is.. so when it came down to it I pussed out. :( So now my tongue is all swollen and painful, and I have to talk all funny, and I can barely eat.. I would have much preferred my nipples be sore right now.. lame.

Yesterday we sat around and did nothing all morning, and I was feeling really fatigued so I tried to stay in bed as long as I could. I was still in bed at like 1:15pm, and we had to be to Easter dinner at 2pm haha. We were late to say the least. While we were there I sort of just painfully ate as much as possible.. and then left the room to watch TV. Jeremy did whatever for a few minutes, and then we left. I dropped off Jeremy and his brother, and then I took Amelia over to my mom's. She fed me quiche and played with Amelia until she fell asleep, and my sister Ellen and I made self-portraits with watercolors. It was fun.

I feel really shitty the past couple days. Moody and tired and sort of unsatisfied with my life.. it sucks.
!!!

Ahh vacation.

Thursday Jeremy and I left at around noon and got to bishop's castle at around 2pm. We explored the place for a little while. It's called Bishop's Castle. It was built singlehandedly by this guy (Jim Bishop) who is really off his rocker, actually. Anyway, you can climb all the way up in the towers and all over the place but it's kinda scary because you never know how sturdy anything really is. It was fun though.

So after that we left and got a room at the Days Inn a few miles away and had dinner and did some shooting (pellet gun). Then we went inside and ate our mushrooms and tripped. After a long night (or what seemed like a long night) of wandering and talking to trees and making friends with our shadows we ended up butt ass naked in the bathtub in the hotel room with no water, just cracking up and in hysterics. It was good.

On Friday we got breakfast and went to the Riverwalk in Pueblo on our way back into town. We fed the geese (except I was insistent that we feed them fruit and greens, because I'm sure bread is bad for them) and sat in the sun and talked. Then on the spur of the moment I bought a puppy!! She's a chow/sharpei mix. And she is the freaking cutest. And I need help naming her!! At first I was thinking Kismet or Eden.. but I really want something a little more snappy.. Nutmeg crossed my mind too, but its kinda long. Any suggestions?

The rest of my vacation remains to be seen. I'm sick as hell right now, which is just my luck. I'm actually not surprised at all. I always get sick on vacation. So anyway I might spend the remaining three days recovering. Fucking yay.

---

So I'm pretty drunk. Which is funny considering I've had like three shots of vodka. Hah lightweight. I'm in a strange mood. I can't tell if I feel insanely happy or incredibly depressed and lonely. It'd probably the latter, and the feeling of happiness is just an illusion caused by the fucking awesome music I'm listening too. Who knows.

 

I'm so tempted to drunk dial someone because I'm just sitting here drunk and alone, yearning for some sort of human connection. But the problem is there is no one to call! They're all asleep. Is that sad? I don't know anyone who would be awake at one am anymore? Yeah, that's sad. God I really am so lonely. I miss having someone here all the time, to share every moment with. If I had someone here I wouldn't be alone right now. Well duh, obviously. But you know what I mean. I miss having a companion. A partner in crime. Just a partner. I am so very sad.

 

And you know what? I think I might be a lesbian. No, seriously. Every time I've masturbated in the past couple of weeks, I have only been half interested until I started having girl on girl fantasies, and then it was like KABOOM! you know? Not only that, but I've been spending most of my free time watching pirated movies, a few of which have lesbian relationships and/or sexual encounters in them, and when I watch that, I have such warm feelings. Hard to explain I suppose. Longing and jealousy and curiosity and sadness and happiness all at the same time. I mean, it's never been a secret that I'm attracted to women. I've certainly had my share of sex with chicks. But now it seems like I'm wanting something more with a women. A relationship. Intimacy. My best friend is a lesbian and every time we are together I wonder what it would be like to be with her... My head is so confused!

 

I dunno. I am drunk, which is kind of rare for me. So it's entirely possible that I'll wake up tomorrow and laugh at my foolishness. But presently I feel very serious and er, profound? Haha, I think I'll quit while I'm ahead.

 

!!!

 

 

FINALLY this week is over. It's been a really long one. Probably because I spent all week looking forward to the end of it. Strip club tomorrow!! Not to mention the Valentines gifts I'm gettng from three different people. I'm so special ;P

 

Which reminds me I'm supposed to have a gift for Sam too, but I forgot all about it until just now. But thankfully I won't see her until tomorrow evening so I can get something during the day. And I'm getting her an unconventional gift so I shouldn't have to deal with any last minute v-day crowds. Woo.

 

Next week is going to be fucking insane. And shitty too, because it's a week of birthdays and I'm going to be broke, and I still have no money toward the rent here and no where to go if I get kicked out. LUCKY ME.

 

!!!

Things have been pretty blah lately. I've been missing appointments and only doing the bare minimum. It's bad news. I probably won't be able to pay the rent for March, and although I'm sure I could ask my family for help, I really don't want to. It's not that I want to get kicked out of here, I just don't want to be asking people for money until I'm 30 you know?

 

There's so much I need to do. So many phone calls and paperwork and applications. It's daunting.

 

Jeremy got two DUIs last week. Wrecked two cars. He had a nice Ford Escort for like two days before he totaled it. He hasn't even paid anything on it. He's lucky to be alive. Supposedly he's going to quit drinking... but we'll see how long that lasts. In any case, they're going to lock him up when he goes to court in March. Anywhere from 90 days to 5 years. Are you happy now, Jeremy?

 

Well I guess now that I've complained some I should probably go accomplish something too. I'll write a quick to do list and then update it as I get things done.

 

1. Call doctor's office and make new patient appointment.

2. Call therapist and make appointment.

3. Call bankruptcy lawyer and ask questions.

4. Get ready for lunch with Dad.

5. Ask Dad about filing taxes.

6. Make list of things I should accomplish in the next few days.

 

!!!